Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
