it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
