Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You made out with two different species that night
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
