Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
