Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
