i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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