just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
if only i could text you this smell
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
