just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
be right there i have to get my cape
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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