Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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