My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
