My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
