I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
