"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
