i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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