do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
