are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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