Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
