the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
