Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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