Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
