Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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