I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
