could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The air taste purple.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
