remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
