So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
