I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
