i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
