I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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