You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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