The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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