so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
