My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
