would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
