She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
