is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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