Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Enjoy the penises
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
