I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
