I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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