I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
