I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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