Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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