he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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