Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
