She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
as a side note pls kill me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
