Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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