I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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