party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
