i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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