What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
