I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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